1. A somewhat demanding shirt, so you can keep your roommates quiet and hear everything that comes out of Jordan’s (self-proclaimed) beautiful model mouth.
Did you know he is a model? A Wilhelmina model.
2. A duvet cover with both roses and wildflowers to remind you of your favorite rose ceremonies (because it wouldn’t be a rose ceremony without something wild).
*Throws picture frame into pool.*
3. A teeth whitening pen for a reality-romance smile as shiny bright as a pair of golden underwear.
Promising review: “This works great and in under a minute. I highly recommend this. You see results instantly!! This is the best teeth whitening product I have seen in years!! And it’s the best bang for your buck. I have used many products for my teeth and this is by far is the best!! I also love the fact that it is vegan.” —Tracy R.
4. Or actual golden underwear you can wear with confidence, and nothing else.
Get them from Amazon for $3.50 (available in four colors and sizes S–XL).
5. A typography print you know you’re gonna love as much as Becca loves (insert favorite contestant here).
6. A toothbrush as sleek as Jason’s hair, made to keep your mouth clean while you work on some more appropriate one liners.
Get it from Quip for $25 (available in different toothbrush styles and plans).
7. A wine glass decal with life’s (i.e., Bachelor Nation’s) most important question.
The answer will be the most shocking reveal yet!
8. A waterproof liquid eyeliner sure to stay sleek even while you cry like Ashley I. when Bachelor In Paradise starts up again and helps everyone find true love.
Or just cry about how she and Jared are finally in love and the world is good again.
9. A unisex fragrance for anyone who wants to slow down and smell the roses, without smelling like them.
Check out all of their fragrances (you know Jean Blanc is going to).
Get it from P.F. Candle Co. for $48 (available in six aromas).
10. A romantic card to give to anyone you love enough to wear a chicken suit in front of.
Get it from Asos for $5.
11. A sweatshirt you can wear when you’re in your living room Monday nights, in front of the TV, for the right reasons.
Bach Nation will always be the right reason.
12. A Beard Bib so you can shave without the mess — making your S.O. think you’re a perfect pensive gentleman.
Promising review: “I am so sick of finding hairs in the drain. No matter how much I cleaned I always found them. I have always had to throw a paper towel in the sink when shaving but now with this, cleanup is a breeze. It’s easy to wear, easy to attach to the mirror, and it will keep your wife happy with no mess in the sink.” —Klaus
13. Or a mug with the mug of the OG pensive gentleman.
If only he knew how much I, and his 4,000 Tinder matches, love him.
14. A diamond ballpoint pen for writing a love song that’ll really ~rock.~
Third time’s a charm, Chris!
Get it from Amazon for $6.99 (available in five colors).
15. A pair of sunglasses to wear around the person you are all ~heart eyes~ for.
Wills. That person is Wills.
Get them from Free People for $20.
16. A love candle that’ll spark a flame hotter than Leo on the beach.
*Please smell like Leo on the beach.*
17. A digital print to let everyone who comes to your home know what they are really there for.
18. A pair of earrings that’ll look like something you picked right outta (bachelor in) paradise.
Get them from Ban.do for $36.
19. A video game, because the contestants try to remind you all the time that they aren’t playing games, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.
This is a dream game for anyone who wishes they were on the show IRL. The goal is like the show, beat others in group dates, feel the suspense of rose ceremonies, and ultimately fall in love with your favorite Bachelor/Bachelorette (as if we haven’t already).
Promising review: “I really like this! It was probably because I’m a huge fan of the show, though! I loved seeing some of my favorite Bachelors and Bachelorettes from the show included in the game, and enjoyed the mini games. If you’re a big Bachelor fan — go for it!” —Rebecca
Get it from Amazon for $11.95.
20. A rose crossbody bag so lovely you know you’ll keep it around for as long as Chris Harrison is on the show.
WHICH IS GONNA BE FOREVER, RIGHT?!
Get it from Hot Topic for $22.90.
21. A pack of wine condoms that will help seal the deal when you celebrate Becca’s engagement to Blake.
Or Garret or whatever.
Promising review: “These are amazing. You can use them more than once. They are slightly hard to get on, but that just assures a tight seal. I especially like that you do not have to worry about your wine stoppers height fitting in the fridge.” —sznic
22. A Satisfyer that will give you the ending you really want, no matter who wins Becca’s heart.
Promising review: “Am I proud that the best orgasm I’ve had is with a sex toy? Not really. But this thing earned it. I simply cannot recommend it enough. I really like the intensity settings and it is surprisingly quiet. This thing works like a charm and is pretty inexpensive. I can’t see myself choosing any one of my other toys over this for a long time, it is definitely my new favorite.” —K H